In my journal I wrote, “What a year it’s been! I’m sure the past year has been a dark night of the soul, but I think the worst has come and gone. I am alive and I’ve weathered the storm. I don’t know what the year ahead holds, but one thing is certain, I don’t want to get to the end of 2008 and wonder where the year went. I want to live each and every day fully.”
While it all sounded so good, I had no idea the slight tremor I was feeling was just the beginning of a massive earthquake that would rumble through my life over the next 5 years. Everything I thought I knew would be rocked to the very core. I didn’t understand that “LIVING”, truly living, meant experiencing a rich tapestry of what we often label as good, bad, happy, sad, joyful and disappointing.
Growing up in the FLDS, the leaders taught us that if something “good” happened, it was because you were a righteous and obedient. And, if something “bad” happened, it was a direct judgement from God, punishment for something you’d done wrong. Everything was black or white; there was no room for the grey “stuff” that happens in life.
Since leaving the FLDS, I’ve come to learn that life isn’t so simple. It’s not just good or bad, white or black. We have free will and there are many things we can influence in our lives. We can make conscious choices and take action towards our goals and aspirations. There are consequences to the choices we make.
And, there are things we cannot control.
As 2012 winds down, I bow reverently to all of life. I’m grateful for the lessons learned, especially for having a deeper understanding of what I can control, and knowing how to let go of the things I cannot.
Looking forward to 2013, I’m excited and full of hope. I also realize it’s naive to think that 2013 will be a year of ONLY blessing and good cheer.
As long as we’re alive, we’ll experience ALL that comes with being deliciously human. There will be happiness and there will be sadness and tears. There will be miraculous blessings and hope; there will be tragedy and loss. There will be joy and sorrows. There will be times when we desperately want an explanation of why things happened the way they tragically did, and there will also be times when unexplainable miracles occur.
ALL of these things are part of life. The question is, can we welcome all of the upcoming year? Can we embrace the blessings, the inconveniences, the joys, the struggles, the laughter and the tears?
What can we do on a daily basis that will prepare us to be at our best, even under the most intense or stressful circumstances? What changes are we willing to make so we don’t repeat the same mistakes?
May 2013 be a year vibrantly lived.
May each one of us BE the change we wish to see in this world.
May we love all, including ourselves, with unconditional love and compassion.
May we discover a greater depth of self-honesty and accountability.
May we ask the right questions so we can learn and grow.
May we clearly hear our truth and take action on what we know is best.
May we focus on what we have influence over and not get lost in tragedy.
May we gracefully surrender to those things that make NO sense, while holding onto the knowledge that we are surrounded by grace.
May we navigate the storms with hope, knowing that the sun will shine again.
May we embrace the present moment with peace, knowing that life cannot be only “good” or “bad”.
May we stand strong in the face of adversity.
May we embrace the deliciousness of being alive.
May we be a channel of grace to the world.
May we dream, create and shine our light like never before.
May we courageously step forward and be the miracle we’ve been waiting for.
The time is now.
May 2013 be the year we choose to embrace it all, and vibrantly live each and every day.